Things, Good and Bad

In the last two weeks, I have:

Listened to PA Governor Ed Rendell speak at a rally against the expiration of the Assault Weapons Ban.

Volunteered six full days in the Philly offices of PA Victory ‘04, the Pennsylvania headquarters of the entire ‘04 Democratic ticket, working in the internet department. An email I wrote went out to 12,000 supporters. Pictures I cropped and captioned are on the web.

Watched Howard Dean debate election issues with William Bennett with Elizabeth and Greg, talked our way into the private reception afterwards, met Dr. Dean and had our picture taken with him.

Stood on a loading dock and watched a motorcade pull up. Watched John Kerry get out of the car and come toward me. Exchanged greetings with him. Stood in the press area of the speech venue as he delivered a major policy address.

My life is a lot cooler since I quit my job.

I can’t say everything is great. Not a pound of weight loss, and no sign of that changing. I am trying to accept that major changes are not going to be possible until after the election now; I’m too involved. In October I’ll be stepping up my volunteering. It’s hard to diet in a campaign office. No, it’s impossible. It’s also hard to go to the gym, although I have been twice in the last two weeks which is more than I went all summer. I’ve also been walking to and from the train (20 minutes each way) and several city blocks to the office each day, so that’s at least something. But no weight loss, and I need to accept that this will be the case until November.

I had a friendship implode, and I am trying to not be enraged at myself both for misjudging this friendship so poorly and, irrationally, for having this person at my wedding. There she is, in half the fucking pictures. Impossible to avoid in my wedding of 30 people. It was time for this friendship to go; it was the right thing to happen; I’ll try to get over the wedding thing and not Photoshop her out of the day as I cannot, after all, Photoshop my brain.

This implosion, by the way, began the week after we buried my grandfather. Excellent timing. And it was all done over email, because email makes it easier for cowards to do difficult things. I fucking hate important conversations over email. Grow a spine and pick up the goddamn phone.

Breathe. Move on.

No pregnancy unless I’m pregnant right now. If I am not, we may postpone for a bit. It looks like we could go to Montreal next summer on an exchange gig, but obviously I can’t go if I am late in pregnancy or if I’ve just given birth. I think I am okay with postponing; I don’t think my emotional health is strong enough for pregnancy right now. If I am in fact pregnant now, I’ll work out the emotional health thing. I’ll have to.

I grew tomatoes this summer and squirrels have been picking them off the vine before they ripen, eating half, and spitting the rest out into our driveway. Our house is still not done being painted after five months. And two nights ago, while cooking steak, a fire spontaneously erupted in our toaster oven. Which was off. And not in use.

There are other good things besides the joy of political involvement. There is cooking. There is my beautiful new terra cotta guest room. There’s my beautiful new jewelry box and
Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell and multiple viewings of The West Wing ("Do you want to tempt the wrath of the whatever from high atop the thing?") and new shows like Jack and Bobby and Lost. There is my wonderful Shakespeare class and my plans to see Avenue Q with Elizabeth next month and my fun times out with Kate and Dawn and the new monthly tri-state Web Writers gatherings in Philly and my upcoming travel to DC, NYC, Jacksonville FL, Milwaukee, and San Francisco. There is the approach of sweater weather.

There are things, good and bad. There are not many words, but then, you are used to that by now.