2 December 2004: All Good Gifts

I had my most satisfying acting experience while my first marriage was breaking up. Being in Godspell - like everything else in my life at that point - should have been hell. Instead, it was magic. It was exactly what I needed at the time.

I am not a great singer. I am a passable singer; a decent community theatre singer. I have never trained seriously, beyond a few months of lessons when I was in my twenties. I've had leads in musicals, but I know I'm not good enough to sing in anything but community theatre. Still, I was invited to be in this invitation-only production of Godspell. It was directed by a friend and the cast was filled with friends who quickly became family. The family I desperately needed at the time.

My first marriage ended not with a bang, but with a whimper. It just sort of...faded away. But it was painful, very painful, and I needed something to be an outlet. I found it in this show.

I'm fifth from the left. I don't look like that anymore. I'm a little heavier, and my hair is much longer. I'm older, of course - this picture was taken in June of 1998. It was a miserable time and offstage, you could see that in my face.

Onstage, I was happy. In rehearsals, I was happy. With these people, I was happy. It was exactly where I was supposed to be at this time.

This picture is from the very beginning of the show, before the music has even started. Before I stepped forward to be the first person to sing. This is what I sang:

Wherefore O men of Athens?
I say to you--
Therefore, acquit me or not
But whichever you do
I shall never alter my ways
Never adjust my approach to this maze
Never reform til the end of my days
Even if I have to die many times

With my voice, I opened this show. With this show, I survived something pretty awful. In this moment, pictured, I was happy - something I certainly wasn't at home. Theatre is often magical. Less often, it changes our lives. Even less often, it helps us to survive. This show was all of these things for me, and more.