By: Kim Scott
Photo by manu schwendener on Unsplash
So generally I like to think of myself as someone who is generally upbeat and positive. My glass is usually half-full!
But in the last week, I have found myself in a bit of a funk…feeling melancholy. As I am working through it, the thought that I should share this state of being came to mind.
Now because I don’t believe my thoughts are random, I suspect the Holy Spirit is nudging me to keep it real and to share how I process through these challenging times.
So if you’re reading this, perhaps you are in need of some encouragement.
I think partly my feeling “blue” is coming from the weather…though the temperature has been wonderful, it’s been overcast and gloomy and I miss the sun! My favorite kind of weather day comes with cool temperatures, blue skies, white fluffy clouds, and the sun shining brightly! When I go days without seeing or feeling the brightness of the sun, it brings me down.
That has been coupled with the fact that my new hair style has caused constant head pain for days. You see, my hair was braided tightly and then the longer braids were weaved into my hair. All of this continuous manipulation and added weight of the braids is making my head hurt. Plus I’ve had a few sleepless nights! For sure, this is adding to my gloomy mood.
Lastly, while I absolutely love what I’m doing, I’m not used to sharing content and messages in a vacuum so to speak.
Usually I deliver in front of audiences and I get to witness their reactions and responses. Generally people even stay after my talks to speak to me and tell me how my sharing impacted or inspired them.
So, it has been challenging to pour out my heart without direct feedback. For me, it feels like what I’m saying is either not being listened to or is not resonating which is definitely contributing to bringing my spirits low.
Now…as I write and explain what I think is causing my bout with melancholy, what came to my mind immediately is the story Elie Wiesel tells in his novel, Night.
He writes about how the Nazis would frequently hang prisoners as a reminder that they were in control. On one particular night, they called forth 2 adult male prisoners and one male child to be hung. The prisoners were gathered to witness the hanging. As the two adult males hung dead, the child hung struggling to breathe for about half an hour before finally dying.
As he struggled to breathe, one of the prisoners uttered in a quiet voice, “Where is God?” Elie, also in a quiet voice, uttered, “God is here. He is hanging right in front of us.”
That level of positivity and depth of faith is almost incomprehensible. Thankfully, most of us will never have to experience the gravity of such bleak circumstances but I share this story because 1) it came to mind (a God moment) and 2) it is the clearest juxtaposition of glass half-full or glass half-empty.
I think the lesson God wants me to know in this particular moment is that I have a choice.
I can allow my gloominess pull me into a downward spiral OR I can allow myself to look for where God is in the midst of this melancholy.
As I write this very long blog post, I see God reminding me to stop doubting and believe! Admittedly, there have been multiple God moments this week to counter my mood but also admittedly sometimes, it’s just easier to be down. Have you ever felt that?
Well now that I’ve had my little pity party, it’s time to "bring my wandering, restless, anxious self home, so that I can rest there in the embrace of love” (quote by Henri Nouwen).
I’m keeping it real so you know that I struggle too…I hope and pray this has helped to encourage a sad soul today!
And guess what…as I wrote this piece today, the sun came out for a few minutes and I stepped outside to enjoy it; I came across a recent comment sharing positive feedback on my podcast page and I am allowing that to uplift my spirits; and I had several really great conversations today that filled my soul with goodness - with my mother, my niece, and my daughter!
God is here…in front of me, behind me, all around me, and most importantly, within me. Next time you’re feeling blue…take a few spots of time to look for God. He’s there right in the midst of your gloomy spirit.
Keeping it real!
Empower Hope and Healing.
Kim
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